My Documentary Summarized in One Short Blurb. Thoughts?
I’ve spent all day writing and editing my documentary. Turns out I haven’t touched Final Cut once since I woke up. Instead, I’ve been in a mind map hacking, slashing and refining the story that I want to tell with the film.
To help me focus, I simplified the story into a short teaser blurb summarizing the latest (and hopefully final) version of the story for the 10-minute film.
Now I need your input. After you read the following description, I’d love to hear what’s on your mind. Is it compelling? What do you want to know more about? Did you fall asleep halfway through the first paragraph? Here’s the blurb.
It doesn’t take long to notice there’s something very different about Polaris Dance. At first glance you’ll notice the authentic, emotional portrayal of the human condition that makes each performance surprisingly accessible — leaving you longing for more.
Upon closer look, you’ll notice their dedication to something much more than the opportunity to perform.
The hard work is especially astounding, when you realize the dancers aren’t paid to dance yet — despite their impressive level of skill.
This short film takes a closer look at this tight-knit group of artists to find out why, after years of hard work and dedication, they persevere in not only creating art, but in building something far more meaningful than beautiful dance.
So give it to me. Thoughts? Please share in the comments below.
7 Comments
Ron on November 22nd, 2009
Sounds like a very interesting story about dedicated people. I was thinking about your documentary last night when I watch a local dance troup perform and was blown away. The way that were able to express without words and reach out and grab you.
It made me long to see exactly what goes into producing that performance. Hopefully your documentary will reveal that.
Dustin Bess on November 22nd, 2009
I like it. So what is your purpose in doing this film?
Steve Schaible on November 23rd, 2009
First paragraph. Meh… sounds like corporate mission statement speak. Pretty bland. Do I want to see this film? Mmmm…don’t know.
Second paragraph. Good. Hooks me.
Third paragraph. Even better. Some insight into what’s coming, but not enough to satisfy my curiosity. Now I want to know more.
Fourth paragraph. Good preview. I’ve decided to watch at this [point.
miladycarol on November 23rd, 2009
The words are beautifully composed and poetic. My first question was, “Why would I long to see more?” So I read further. They’re dedicated, skillful and unpaid. In the end, I wanted more of a clue as to why, rather than just click the link to the documentary. In my time-starved Monday morning frame of mind, I just thought, “I have no idea how long this is and why it will benefit my soul to watch it.”
In summary, the words “short film” leave me wondering how long short is… Then again, I’m not sure the context of the delivery, either. If this is something that is presented when I’m relaxing in front of the TV and it’s a feel-good documentary option for my Roku while I’m knitting, great! I love documentaries and it doesn’t matter how long they are because I can always come back to it later. If it’s an email sent to me among all my others, I want more details because my time in front of the computer is limited.
The other thing is, other than the feel good vibes this seems to promise, I almost want to tie it to some category in my life. Is it because they’re all recovered drug addicts and this is how they turn their lives around? Is it because they are dancing to cure world hunger? I feel that I’m inundated with so many hopeful stories that I almost need to pick and choose the ones that are most akin to me because I just have time for so much in my day.
Does this help?
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MiLady Carol
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wendyhcd on November 23rd, 2009
Of course, since I know and care about you and Mel, and because I know you are super creative and hard-working and produce great work, I’m excited to see anything you create. I like the photo and the concept of the film b/c I’m passionate about dance and I admire people who are committed to realizing their passions/dreams. But the description was too general for me. I could imagine several doc. films with a similar premise, and I too was left wondering how this would be any different from the average feel-good, broad doc film that I might forget soon after I see it. I’d be more intrigued if the film told one dancer’s story, but it would have to be a pretty compelling and inspiring one. Or if the premise divulged a compelling element of this dance troupe that really sets it apart from the likely hundreds of dance companies like it in the U.S. I hope this helps and good luck! I know you’ll come up with something fabulous.
Jason on November 24th, 2009
Thanks everyone for the great feedback. I’m taking it all into consideration.
@Dustin,
The purpose of doing the film is a few things:
1. Because I’ve wanted to do something like this for a long time
2. To have a creative pursuit
3. To help out a dance company that I really believe in
4. To finally learn how to use Final Cut
Dave Kawalec on November 22nd, 2009
Hi Jason,
When I read your description, I have no idea what ride I’m going to go on by watching the film. What story are you promising to tell me?
- Dave